As a Brooklyn resident and seven-plus year veteran of the New York City sanity wars, I can tell you that bodegas are anything-goes environments. I once had an able-bodied man not much older than myself beg everyone on the premises for directions to a nearby bar because he claimed, despite the glasses he was very clearly wearing, that he was too blind to read street signs or his Apple maps and yet was for some reason wandering around a neighborhood he didn’t know by himself in the dark. By the time I finished counting out the blocks for him my sandwich had gone cold.
That’s nothing, however, when compared to this charming young man, who New York police are currently seeking in connection with a violent (and now viral) temper tantrum…over a bagel. Let’s begin our descent into madness, shall we?
Now listen, New Yorkers are serious about their bagels. It’s a cliche because it’s true. But this is TOO MUCH serious. And craziest of all? The order, which he recites with exacting detail just before throwing a loaf of bread at his would-be sandwich-maker’s head: “Make my cinnamon toast cinnamon raisin bagel with bacon, egg and cheese right now!” That right there is enough to get your New York bagel card revoked for good. Just ask Cynthia Nixon.
P.S. Shout out to the woman standing three feet away from a grown man throwing a fit over his funky-ass bagel order without batting an eye, taking a step backward, or displaying any of the vital signs typically associated with a living, breathing human being. You, ma’am, are a true New Yorker.